That idea might seem absurd or alarming, since the tendency is to associate thinking about death as coming from a depressed or desperate place. Yet, I believe it was Adyashanti or perhaps another awakened teacher who suggested, “Die before you die.”
I’ll confess that my exploration into that may have come from a sense of being tired of trying to “get mastering my own reality right” or, even more compelling for me, of trying to come to ultimate and abiding awakening. I’m not suggesting that we can’t use our minds and emotions to manifest consciously, aka “law of attraction,” but when our peace depends on the external circumstances we find ourselves in, we are still playing small. There are the personal mind and the transcendent mind and I believe it is ultimately the transcendent mind that is unfolding life for our highest good. It is also only in the transcendent mind that we find what we are truly seeking, i.e.: peace, satisfaction.
Even though I believe there is no “death,” as in an end to presence or awareness beyond the body, I watched my mind try to manage the scenario of transitioning this form. What will that be like? Will a “life review,” while loving, still show me that I have to come back and finish what I haven’t yet learned? Would the circumstances necessary to wake me up fully be more intense next time?
There was no peace in this exploration, so I dropped in further. What if everything ends, including awareness? What if there is nothing to experience anything? These questions were beyond what my mind could comprehend. It is so used to making itself the reference point. What is there when there is no reference point?
Peace is what I found, deep peace, even though my mind continued to try and wrap itself around how there could be peace with nothing to know it was experiencing peace. I just continued to contemplate it, knowing it was a koan that couldn’t be resolved, but was also the entry point to something larger than I am.