The spider, my master teacher, Part 5

Dreaming, weaving, and embodying a whole new web of life in the age of Covid-19 amid sweeping social, economic and political transformation.

Is this for me to do? I have a bigger ‘yes’ burning inside of me.

Spend quality time with yourself. You are your most significant other.

Reflecting on my life, I realize that I wasn’t totally being true to myself. Yes, I sought to do things that were of service to others and to do work that was sacred, but I wasn’t doing things that brought me real joy and that were really deeply in resonance with who I am. I wasn’t asking myself this singularly most important question: “Is this for me to do?”

I was instead often acting out of guilt, lack, and fear. Guilt that I wasn’t worthy, so I had to always do more and more even when what I was doing to assuage my guilt really did not resonate with who I really was. As well, I worshiped at the altar of Iack: I was not enough, I would never add up to being enough, and I would not have enough. And lastly, fear—fear that my unworthiness would be found out.

None of this was fun.

Too often I did things in order to “earn” something: respect, recognition, money, etc. It was always an uphill battle of doing more and more in order to “earn” it. But really, we are all fully worthy of receiving, period. A flower is a flower, it doesn’t “earn” its beauty. It is inherently beautiful.

Same with us, there is nothing we have to do to “earn it.” We are inherently magnificent co-creators made in the image of god/goddess. Also, there is nothing to “get.” Life is a pure, sacred gift—no attachments, no grasping, no hoarding, no indebtedness—it is a beautiful flow of giving and receiving eternally gifted to all.

Yes, I have been very blessed to have had many diverse and unique experiences in my life and there certainly have been moments and periods of ease, grace, inspiration and joy, but as I am being honest with myself, that was not the dominant space I was operating from and living in. So, from my point of view, ultimately, it would be best if we all became super observant of our own energy and start tuning in to see if we are living from a place of grace, joy, peace, love, and deepening and as well acting from a place of pure presence—with much less doing and more being.

Life is not a race; proceed at the speed of grace.

What dream are we living and weaving now? Is it yesterday’s dream or is it today’s? Whatever it is, was it ever our own dream? If not, why not? Whose dream is it?

These are all questions for us to explore personally and collectively. What are our motivations for what we do personally? Collectively, how and why have we created the social, economic, and political systems that we now have? What dysfunctional worldviews are they based on?  

You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage—pleasantly, smilingly, unapologetically—to say ‘no’ to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger ‘yes’ burning inside.Stephen Covey

What is the personal “yes” burning inside of you? What would our collective “yes” be?

Continued in Part 6.

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